I woke up at 5am to my husband pacing. His mom is in hospital and he's having to deal with mortality issues. Not easy for my man. He's big and strong and he has a hard time with things that he can't physically affect.

On to my Aha. So, as he was pacing and dealing with his stuff, I decided to use this time to connect with my soul. And boy did I ever connect. Here is a bit of the information I downloaded (I ended up writing some of it in the dark because it was so profound to me) The question I asked was "How do I give up control?"

Control is like being a Grand Illusionist who begins to believe in their illusions.

Challenge yourself not to react. God is not an entity but an energy - it is a love you can't understand, the ability to let go of all expectation. Now, you begin as if you can't see, as one who doesn't know, as one who desires nothing. It is not about fun my sweet, it is about becoming - becoming more than you are capable of understanding at this point, connected to your illusion of emotions. As long as you rely on emotion you shall be "stuck".

Wow.
xxB

I had a dream 2 nights ago that aliens had landed on Earth. They were erasing the emotions humans had connected to memories. People were running around screaming, as if they were being killed - all afraid to lose their emotions connected to memories. In my dream I was watching them asking myself  "Why are they running around like the aliens are shooting lazers at them?" It was so quiet and nothing was happening other than people running scared.

When it was my turn, I was beamed up to a spaceship and I remember being petrified and feeling like crying. The aliens actually looked like Light Beings - they were opalescent in color and not at all intimidating. I remember asking my self "Why am I so connected to old emotions attached to memories past?" I asked the Light Beings the same question and they simply looked at me. I remember telling them I was afraid because I didn't want to lose the joy I had when our daughter was born. They communicated to me that I couldn't lose the joy, love, bliss, etc. In fact, they explained, when I remove the old emotion, I can remember past events with a fuller, more satisfying emotion because of how much I have changed since the original memory. They said I could actually feel more joy when I remembered the day our daughter was born than I did originally.

Then I woke up and the question, clear as a bell was still in my head - "Why am I so attached to old emotions of memories past". That's when I got my AHA.

My ego tries to predict my future not on past memories, but on past emotions from past memories. It's the emotion I'm after. I try to control my future by accessing the old emotion, thinking I can control the future, when all I really have is access to an old emotion and most likely opportunities lost because I wasn't present in the first place.

Wow.
xxB

I've been so challenged lately with accessing my "guides". I've become quite attached to receiving my AHA's and they simply weren't happening (hence the challenge!)

As I was lying in bed listening to nothing, trying to connect with whatever Higher Power I thought would decide to connect with me, I suddenly got it. The "Secret". The missing piece that has alluded me my entire life and the answer to the chaos and turmoil I feel all too often these days.

This "Secret" didn't come as an epiphany. It didn't have any hoopla worth making a movie about - it came to me simply as a fact. A small fact. Something that my 4 year old niece could have told me, something I've heard for years but never got at a cellular level - until now.

As I lay in bed, the "Secret" that came to me, was whispered to me:       Love.

That's it.

I know, I was let down at first too, until my very next breath when I Got it. With a capital G. Meaning I Got it at a cellular level - it rippled throughout my entire BEING.

For me, manifestation is not about asking, it's not about being willing to receive or allow or whatever term you choose. It's not about having control, being in control or being able to see the future - it's not even about seeing. Manifestation has everything to do with those and nothing to do with it. It's not about being clear and direct and focusing and concentration and taking this step or planning that - for me anyways.

The "Secret" to manifestation for me is simply the energy of Love. The more I authentically BEcome Love, the more wonderful things will show up in my life. My job isn't to plan and figure out and be specific or any of those things. It's to simply BE LOVE.

If I'm BEING Love, I can only attract those things that allow me to BE Love. How can I anticipate what that looks like? Why would I want to? If I know I'm going to receive those things, those experiences, those emotions that allow me to BEcome even more LOVE, why would I need to plan, to predict, to anticipate?

Going back to my other AHA's, I realized what all these AHA's were telling me: I can only see with the emotion I choose to see with. I can only receive with my predominant emotion. If it's not Love predominating, then I'm limiting myself from bigger and better things.

I'm not in control of my Reality - I'm the Manager of who I am BEING, which dictates my Reality. If I'm being anxious, then I create a Reality to ensure I am anxious. If I'm being fearful, then of course my Reality will include those things to perpetuate that fear. If I'm being confused, then my Reality will attract more opportunities for confusion.

But if I'm BEing Love, I will create a Reality that BEcomes and is loving - for myself and everyone I come into contact with. And that's the answer I've been looking for all my life: "How can I succeed and help everyone around me succeed too?"

I now have my answer.

In Dan Millman's book "The Life You Were Born To Live" I am a 29/11 - Born to lead by example. I never knew what that really meant until now. This is all suddenly BEcoming so clear and yet surprisingly so normal...

xxB